Watching Black Scorpion on SciFi.

Puh-lease! This show sucks ASS. Shitty, derivative story lines and dialog. Horrible acting. It copies (and not well) from just about every other attempt at comic-book-like shows and movies. It’s so completely overdone and tries way too hard. It smacks you in the face with it’s cheesiness so much that it’s no longer a tongue-in-cheek thing. The fight scenes are painfully awkward, choreographed like the fight scene I made when I first got my hands on a camcorder. Everything, from the morphing car, to the villians, to most of the concept… it’s all been done, and with greater success, by better crews.

Why does this piss me off so much? Because SciFi does make good exclusive shows and movies, and they pick up some good series that would otherwise be destined for ‘collectors edition’ DVD sets in a dusty bin somewhere. Farscape, Lexx, Babylon 5, The Secret Adventures of Jules Verne… I can keep going on with all the things I love about Scifi, but back to the show I’m bitching about…

About the show, co-creator Roger Corman says:

…I made Black Scorpion because I believe the female action hero, comic-book style, has the same primal appeal as the heroines of mythology — the paradox of a woman who is both beautiful and lethal, both seductive and powerful…

WHAT?! Listen, you can’t make a show this shitty, failing even at an attempt to make campy entertainment, and then try to wax philosophical about mythology and feminine archetypes. For fuck’s sake, Xena: Warrior Princess dramatizes these things amazingly better than this hour-long cringe-fest. In this show, nearly all the women have large breasts, negative IQ’s, and the humor tends toward the misogynist. (Thing is, I would like to see one, just one female action hero who’s actually dressed for action. You know, like wearing full body armor, not a rubber swimsuit, or a leather skirt. Not that I have a problem with either, but you can’t call that a primal female heroine figure.)

I mean the thing is, he’s right in part. The female action hero can have that same mythic primal appeal– but I think he stole that quote straight from a Joseph Campbell book he perused in college.

I mean, maybe I have this guy all wrong. But still, I feel like I want my money back, even though the show is free. It’s what stands between two shows I actually do want to watch.

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